Have you ever noticed that sometimes an idea will pop into you head, in my case, ask people on Facebook for questions to write a blog… And you think the idea is as simple as it sounds, just ask for questions and answer them… But then God shows up and you realize it was never actually about just asking questions and giving answer for a fun blog, it was really about God setting up a situation so that he can do something awesome?
I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening here. Several of you responded to my post with questions yesterday for me answer. Some real, some humorous. But then last night I got a message in my inbox with a question, a serious question that had a weight on it that pulled at my heart, and God immediately said to me, this is what this was for.
So I will answer the questions on my post, but I want to first take care of the matter at hand…
The question is, “I know every marriage is different and I know, no two problems are the same. I’m struggling, I have thought about turning to God to help me find a way throgh this. My question is, how do u guys make your marriage succeed? If you had any advice for one sided marriage what would it be? I am desperate and ready to give up. You and Lindsay seem so happy, how do you make it work?”
First I want to say, DON’T GIVE UP! The main reason Lindsay and I are even where we are today is because when things got brutal, and when things looked like they couldn’t get any worse, and when we thought it was hopeless, we didn’t give up.
When you see our relationship on Facebook, or anyone else’s really, what you’re seeing is the best moments. The moments we feel comfortable sharing. You don’t see the hours of crying and pain and heartache that went into the last 5 years to make those moments we post seem so amazing.
If you really want to know how we make it work, you were already on the right track…. GOD. Without God in our marriage I truly believe we probably wouldn’t be together today. We went through some extremely difficult times in our first 3 years of marriage where I think we were both at the place you are now. But in those moments, I cried out to God. Even when I wasn’t really living a God focused life like I am now, I would still cry to him and ask for help. Ask for his grace, and ask what to do!
And here is what is so cool about that… God LOVES marriage! He wants your marriage to succeed! Even if you got married without seeking God or asking him if this what you should do, he still wants to bless and honor the covenant you made! So, if you ask for his help in this, HE WILL HELP YOU! He has an amazing way of changing people’s hearts that you wouldn’t believe!! He will pour so much grace and love onto you that you will be able to get through this time! I know this for a fact because God did this for us!
Every marriage that has ever failed was due to 1 of 3 things. 1. Selfishness 2. Selfishness or 3. Selfishness.
It really is as basic as that. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s selfishness. Some people. Say marriage is 50-50. And I say no it is not. It’s 100% – 100%. You both have to be giving everything you have to make it work. Even the Bible says in 1 Corinthians, Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other…
And if you’re in a one sided marriage, and you’re the only one who wants to make it work, you’re going to have to give that to God. Plead your case. Let him know you want this to work and ask him to change your spouses heart! This is a simple task for him and I know he will answer your cry. I have learned that anytime I have an issue with someone, if I pray and ask God to help change that person, sometimes. He actually makes a change in me, and it turns out that’s what I needed to make it work with that person.
In conclusion, Lindsay and I have an amazing marriage. Now. It wasn’t always like this. And there are still times when we have issues. But now we are confident that God can help us through anything we come against because He has already proved this to us time and time again. So we don’t worry about if we are going to make it anymore, we know we will, so that gives us the freedom to work on the issue without the thought of, oh no, arr we gonna get divorced!? We know that’s not even an option so it allows you so much more freedom to work through issues.
If you align yourself under God, get under his protection not only will he help your marriage work, he will bless it beyond what you could ever have imagined it to be.
I’m going to be praying for you and your marriage, and I want you to know you can talk to me anytime. But I urge you, talk God. Seek Him. If you don’t know how to pray, just say God, I don’t know what to do! And lay it all out. It doesn’t have to be elegant or religious. He is listening. I promise.
Now to the other questions….
“If the presidential election were held today, who would you vote for and why?”
If the presidential elections were being held today and I had to vote, I would vote for no one. In fact, in the 14 years that I have been of legal voting age, I have not voted in one single presidential election. I’ve taken a lot of crap for that over the years and I’m sure I will now as well. But I feel, and I have always felt, the presidential elections aren’t won, they’re bought. SO what good is it going to do me to go and check a box on who I think is best suited to lead our country when I don’t even feel that it matters at all. So I guess if I had to vote though, I would vote for Goldman Sachs.
“What is the single deepest regret you have from the past ten years?”
The greatest regret I have over the span of my entire life is that I waited so long before I decided to serve God with my entire heart, soul, and life. However, every bad decision, or stupid thing that I did in that time, I don’t exactly count as a regret now only because it’s one more thing that qualifies me to reach another person and help show them the love of Jesus. Because now maybe I’ve gone through what they’re going through or maybe I’ve messed up the same way they’ve messed up. But if I had to choose only one thing in the last 10 years that I truly regret, that if I could do it all over again…. It would have to be that I gave up on my weight loss goals a year ago. I had worked so hard last year for 5 months losing 50 pounds and I felt better than I ever had in my entire life. I was proud of myself, I was starting to enjoy being more active, I was feeling more confident, and then I let my life get too busy and I gave all that up. I think about it daily and it depresses me that I was on such a good track and I let it all go. That is the one thing or the one mistake that I’ve made that I can’t see working out for good in any way at all.
“What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
The answer can be found HERE, but in short… The average cruising airspeed velocity of an unladen European Swallow is roughly 11 meters per second, or 24 miles an hour.
“What question do you hate to answer?”
“When are you gonna get your ass to Cali and reunite with your old childhood friend of 18 years who misses you oh so much?”
As soon as possible!!! I miss you too and I want to come see you guys!! I want Lindsay to see Hollywood and the beach too, so I really do want to plan a trip to see you!! I will try and make this happen!!!!
Annnnnnd there ya go!!
Good times….. Good times….